No answers....

First off, I apologize because I have been absent for a bit.  My littlest guy has been sick for over two months and we have not been able to get answers as to why.  He's currently on a regimen of augmentin and zantac, but I'm only seeing a minor improvement.  This is our last step before surgery and every single day that passes I'm hoping for a miracle.  I don't want my little guy to go in for any type of surgery, no matter how minor it may be.  We also don't know if he is starting to show signs of asthma or if this is an infection that just doesn't want to leave.  I apologize ahead of time if I'm not on here as much until we get this figured out.

I don't even know how to approach this next topic.  We all know about the tragedy that just happened a week ago today at Sandy Hook Elementary.  As a human, I have just about lost all of my faith in humanity.  As a parent, I am sickened, saddened but mostly heartbroken.  Heartbroken for the moms and dad, grandmas and grandpas, brothers and sisters who lost their loved one.  Heartbroken for the future these children will never have.  Heartbroken for the loss of innocence in the survivors.

My husband and I had sent our 8 and 6 year old sons to school on December 14, 2012, just like any other day.  We got in the car with our 4, 21 month old, and 8 month old sons to head to the mall to finish Christmas shopping.  Around 9:15, I said to my husband "You know what I was just thinking?  How happy I am that you have had active shooter training and would know what to do in a situation like that."  This comment came out of the blue and I had no idea what was occurring or about to occur. Around 1:30, we were coming back to the military base and the gate guards mentioned something about the shootings.  I immediately pulled up the internet on my phone and stared through tear-filled eyes in disbelief.  My heart sank as I started reading what was going on.  I felt sick and angry and immediately told my husband, "I want to get our boys."

I paced back and forth from 2:00 until 3:30 until I saw my children's smiling faces get off the bus.  I hugged both of them so tight that they probably stopped breathing for a minute.  I looked at them and started tearing up, knowing that there would be families not able to hug their babies that night.  I explained to them what happened and both had wonderful questions and concerns about why this occurred.  As a parent, you don't have all the answers.  I wish so badly that I could have the correct answers for everything, but I don't.  I simply explained that there are bad people in this world.

In the last week, I have cried numerous times.  I have lost sleep over this.  I wasn't even directly affected by this.  But... I have a first grader.  I cannot even imagine him going through something like that.  I heard stories about first graders sitting in a bathroom with their teacher, with her telling them that she loved them because she wanted to make sure that was the last thing they heard, should they die.  That those same children were crying for their moms and that they wanted to make it to Christmas.  I also have a third grader.  I heard a story about a third grade girl saying she felt like she was going to throw up.  Why?  Why did this have to happen to such innocence babies?

My heart continues to break each passing day.  I have hugged and kissed my children over and over again, telling them just how much I love them.  Today, the flood gates were opened again when I bought the newest People magazine, with the stories of the individuals who lost their lives.  Something has to be done. Whether it be tougher gun laws or better mental health services, SOMETHING MUST BE DONE.