Not so sure I'm ready....

I am going to miss this man more than anyone will know.


I found out the exact date that he is leaving. I feel like I can't catch my breath. I know I have been through this more than once, but I swear it NEVER gets any easier. I'm not ready for trip to the airport, sitting waiting for them to say it's time to go, to watch my heart walk away from me. Even talking about this is bringing tears to my eyes. I don't want pity or sympathy.... this is what I signed up for when I became a military spouse. There are other women and men who go through this much longer than I do and ones who will never get to see their spouses again... his deployments being much shorter, for this I am so thankful.

I get so frustrated with him here sometimes, as I'm sure any wife does with their husband, but I love him and I will miss all his little quirks when he's gone. His date to leave is two days after my birthday. How fun. I sit here thinking of all the things we've gone through that have brought us here. I knew from the moment I met him that I was going to marry him. From the death of my father, to the birth of our first son, second son, and third son, the deployments, the homecomings, to all the little memories in between, this has been one crazy ride that I wouldn't change for the world. *Well maybe I'd change some things, but not all :) *

I've been looking through songs that are for military wives going through deployments and came across Nickelback "Far away". I remember hearing this on one of his other deployments and this song just breaks my heart. I think of Brian every time I hear this part...

Cause with you I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all, I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up

So babe, just so you know, I'm gonna be here waiting for you.

I'm going to try to blog everyday that he is gone, kinda like documenting this deployment. We'll see if that works. :)